By Mwalimu Andrew
Like many other Kenyans, I dream to be elected to Parliament one day. Who knows, I may even be Your Excellency one day.
According to my plans, once I complete my university degree, should the government not promote me, then come 2017 I will resign from this thankless job to run for the councillor’s position, although I hear by then councillors will be heading counties. If I win, then in 2022 I will go for the MP’s post, or whatever it will be called by then!
So when I arrived at Kenyatta University and heard that there was an election for a School of Continuing Education representative, I decided to give it a try – as a first step towards my future electoral plans.
Contest seat
The Kenyatta University Students Union (KUSA) elections had been completed weeks earlier. The idea to contest the seat was suggested to me by my classmates after I had bought them lunch at KM.
They were all agreed that I was the most suitable candidate owing to my leadership skills and integrity.
It was only after I had been cleared to start my campaigns that I realised campaigns were such an expensive affair. I needed to recruit campaigners in every zone, to print and distribute campaign posters, to move around the zones and campuses campaigning. So I visited my brother Pius for advice and financial assistance.
Although he has never contested any election, Pius advised me on how to win elections.
“You need to have a catchy slogan and your poster should have your best photo,” he advised.
But when I asked him for money, he said he was broke. He however carried two reams or printing paper from their office which he gave me to use for making campaign posters. He also gave me 2kg of wheat flour.
“You will mix it with water and use it to stick your posters around,” he said.
With no other source of money, I took a big risk: I took Sh29,500 from my university fees to use for the campaigns. I had only paid for the room and still had the other money.
I went to a photo studio in Githurai where I took photos – wearing my spectacles. I made one poster in a student’s room from which I produced many copies. That night, I paid a few students and dispatched them to stick them all over the university using the wheat flour.
The posters had my smiling photo, with my name above, and below the photo was the slogan Pius had recommended: Tried, Tested and Trusted. “Both Raila and Kibaki have used this slogan before with very good results,” he had told me.
For the next few days, I moved around the university distributing my flyers and asking every student who cared to listen to vote for me. Many of them dropped the flyers as soon as we parted ways.
It was then that some students told me that they could organise a kamukunji for me. “What is kamukunji?” I asked, “This is a political rally which you will use to campaign.”
They demanded Sh5,000 to facilitate this. I gave them Sh3,000.
At around 2 p.m., they came to pick me up from my room. They were rowdy, drunk and carried banners with my name. “Mwalimu Tosha”, one of them read. “Comrade power! Comrade power!” they shouted as we left.
At the gate of the hostel, we met another group of students shouting: “Kamata! Kamata!”
After some conversation, my boys told me that the other group wanted Sh1,500 to allow us to go ahead with the kamukunji. I didn’t have money. An argument ensued which resulted in fistcuffs as everyone ran for dear life.
The next morning as I went round, I was surprised to find most of my posters defaced, and my slogan distorted.
There were many versions of such distortion but one stood out. My name had been changed to Mwalimu Andrew Kabuga. They had also disfigured my face by adding a beard and lipstick. My slogan now read: Tried and Found Guilty, Tested HIV Positive and Trusted by Nobody.
Some students were laughing at this and adding their own comments. The guys who had been handling the posters told me that I needed to pay poster protection fees for my posters to remain intact. I was broke so I continued with my door-to-door campaigns.
On the eve of the elections, I gave some students money to drink then shout my name on campus the whole night. My plan was that as the students went to vote only one name would be ringing in their minds: Mwalimu Andrew!
I was confident on election day. I had also paid the same “shouters” to also serve as my agents but I found no one at the voting centres.
The only one available was representing my rival. I had no much hope in the evening when the results were announced. I left the counting room dejected as soon as it was announced that I had got eight votes.
How could I get eight votes when my campaigners, my agents, class mates and friends whom I had either given some money, or bought a drink or food were more than 100?
As I walked to my room, I remembered that the second week had just ended before I attended any class – and still had not paid fees. I won’t be contesting any elections any time soon.
This story first appeared on Sunday 18th April, 2010
